Giving The Season

December 16th is approaching – my niece’s 25th birthday. By now she would’ve been well on her way to becoming a veterinarian or perhaps starting a family with her amazing boyfriend. Maybe both. She was level-headed, grounded, sure of herself and the direction her life was going in.

7 ½ years have passed since she was killed. Maybe it’s the milestone birthday that’s bringing the grief up anew. Maybe it’s time for me to process more of those feelings. Maybe it’s all that and more.

In her memory this year, I’ve given to today’s random animal charity (Louie's Legacy Animal Rescue)

With 5 dogs at the age of 17, she was well on her way to starting her own rescue or becoming a very young crazy dog lady. Something her grandmother and I both honor. Yes, the animal rescue gene runs strong with the women in this family. Very dominant. My poor wife is dealing – sort of.

A month after Amanda was killed, we knew something was wrong with my father – but not what. It took another 4 months to find out it was a very aggressive and terminal kidney cancer. Expiration date: 1 year. In the depths of his grief, I doubt he had the strength to fight for his life. What he did have, he put into MADD and writing letters to the editor of the newspaper. He was working on Amanda’s Law – justice according to the grieving grandfather.

Then he wrote his own eulogy. How was I to know this Future Farmer was really a writer in disguise? It took most of his life but when he finally put pen to paper, he was eloquent, impassioned, funny, enraged, engrossing. He was a writer who didn’t read and never understood the power of words until it was almost too late.

In those last pages, my father understood who he was. He took a long honest look at his journey and shared the highlights with his friends and family. He gave us everything he could to help us through our grief.

Honoring my father this season is as complicated as our relationship was. I will think more on this one.

They say 1 in 5 US children are going hungry and that number shoots up to 1 in 3 when talking about African American or Latino kids. My family, mostly, has no real needs. We have decided that giving to charities will be the packages under this year’s Christmas tree.

Food banks seem high on the list this year. My regular food charities:
St. Vincent Meals on Wheels
Project Angel Food

And a new one I’m considering:
Valley Food Bank

As for the younger set, it’s a bit harder to not give them something (green). One has the ambition to follow her dreams but only a passing acquaintance with responsibility. The other has the responsibility and buries her dreams deep inside. What they each need cannot be given.


UPDATE: Jenny the Bloggess has some cool giving ideas. I really like the first one.